On Trust

Hey guys!

Sorry I haven’t been able to make it the last two weeks. It’s been really rough for me on multiple levels. Some bad grades, lack of time with God, lack of time in the word, lack of real rest. And just generally failing at every instance possible to resist red, fight for blue, and do kingdom work. All the stories and emails going around about Alyssa and other stuff has reinforced the dryness in my life over the last two weeks. Anyway though…..

What few thoughts, prayers, and conversations I have had lately have been really pulling towards the idea of trust. While trust is often lumped in with traditional Christian values like love, joy, hope, patience, etc., I can’t find it anywhere in scripture as a Biblical attribute. Not that it isn’t a good thing, but I don’t exactly know where it exactly is supposed to fit in. Let me explain.

Let’s say I have a friend who is chasing this girl who I am convinced is nothing, and I mean nothing, but trouble. She is already dating somebody, but continues to lead him on and pull him into this pseudo-affair like friend-lationship. She has made it clear that she does not like us, his close friends, and persists in behavior that is devious and manipulative at the very least. As a friend and brother, I want to call him out and tell him that this thing he’s pursuing is a dead-end and will not work out well. However, what about trust? Do I trust his judgement and believe that he knows his life better than I do? After all, how can I tell him that he’s making a mistake there when I am equally liable to make a similar mistake and have done so on several occasions? Why should my judgement supercede his? I was always taught to confront fellow believers with scripture, but I can’t find anything un-Biblical that’s going on! The closest thing I have to Biblical evidence is a correlation in my mind between her and the Lady Folly of proverbs.

Or take this, another friend of mine is dating some guy who I am also convinced is bad news (less so than Satan’s mistress of above, but still not good. I realize that’s not the most loving thing to say of her, but honestly, she’s a master of luring guys in and she knows it). While I can’t say for certain that this person has bad intentions, I can’t get over this doubt in my mind. I’ve heard some reports about him that I can’t say for certain are true, but it’s enough for me to at least take it seriously. However, I can’t decide if her judgement should be respected as a fellow Christian and I should trust her as such, or if it’s my duty as a Christian brother to voice my thoughts. I keep on thinking that her choice is being influenced and her judgement is clouded, but then catching myself and thinking that it’s either not my place or that my judgement is being affected by my own personal thoughts and experiences.

Or how about this. A friend on the hall has become really distant lately and hasn’t been around nearly as much as in the past. At first we thought he was just busy, but oftentimes he’s actually on the hall, but in his room with the door closed. He doesn’t really address the issue when we ask him about it and usually says he doing fine and so on and so forth. However, I want to trust this guy just because I’ve gotten to know him and respect him as a quality guy. But in the back of my mind, I really don’t think I trust him when he says he’s doing fine and nothing is up.

What are your thoughts guys? Is this a problem with me being distrustful? Is that a flaw I need to work on? Am I supposed to take people at their word? To trust them when they say they know what they’re doing? Or is this mistrust there for good reasons? Is it good to doubt what people say to keep them in check? But how can I even know whether the mistrust is with good cause? How can I say in my mind that my judgement of this person or this relationship is clearer than anyone else’s? But at the same time, is it not part of our job as fellow believers to point out to our brothers and sisters where they are failing and where they are making mistakes?

Love Always,
James

Another Cool Thing

So I’ve just been bombarded with cool and interesting stuff this week. I sent some of you this little lyric earlier today, but I wanted it to be posted here just because I like it.

I am in the sun, I am in the shade,
I am in the light that Love hath made;
I am in the cold, I am in the warm,
I am in the center of your storm;
I am in the fire, I am in the flood,
I am in the marrow and the blood;
When you cannot stand,
I am

-I Am, by Bebo Norman

I apologize for going post crazy lately, but there’s been some good stuff and interesting thoughts happening and occurring in my head lately. But anyway, with all the negative and heart-breaking stories about Haiti and various things in one another’s personal lives, I think I needed a reminder that God is still there.

just wanted to keep you all updated…

at 730 tonight (during our grouptime) my grandma passed away. when we left group, i had 2 messages from my mom. i knew immediately that was bad news. i waited til i got home to check them…. and found out the news tonight around 1130.

its been pretty darn hard on me. i may appear on the outside, that im holding it all-together just fine… but dont let me decieve you. inside i hurt, i ache. i have been carrying a huge amount of stress and emotion inside me for the past three weeks. its been hard to manage those emotions in a way that is healthy…letting them out, but also realizing that i need to move on with life as well, not dwelling on it.

i wanted you guys to know now.

my prayer requests through all of this are the following: that i would be able to take care of myself…. in all aspects: physically by continuing to work out and eat healthy, emotionally- sharing when necessary, mentally- not keeping it all inside, and spiritually- clinging to jesus in this time and seeing his soverignty in all of it. i really need help with this. i dont know how to handle this much emotion. i feel overwhelmed all the time, like im carrying this hge weight. im having trouble casting all of that off on god and seeking HIM in the midst of all this. your encouragement is much appreciated. thank you guys for listening to me last week at group. it means a lot.

the plan is that i will prob be flying (or driving) home not this weekend, but next weekend. prob leave thurs/fri and come back tues/wed.

love you guys.

Love, According to C.S. Lewis & Various Other Musings

Part 1
“When Christianity says that God loves man, it means that God loves man: not that He has some “disinterested”, because really indifferent, concern for our welfare, but that, in awful and surprising truth, we are the objects of his love. You asked for a loving God: you have one. The great spirit you so lightly invoked, the “lord of terrible aspect”, is present: not a senile benevolence that drowsily wishes you to be happy in your own way, nor the cold philanthropy of a conscientious magistrate, nor the care of a host who feels responsible for the comfort of his guests, but the consuming fire Himself, the Love that made the worlds, persistent as the artist’s love for his work and despotic as a man’s love for a dog, provident and venerable as a father’s love for a child, jealous, inexorable, exacting as love between the sexes.” (pp. 34-35)

Too. Cool. Isn’t that just so great to think about in those terms?

Part 2
I was asked one time by a friend what God would score on the Kolbe Index (The Kolbe is a “personality inventory” of sorts that analyzes peoples strengths in the workplace. Not things like introvert/extrovert etc. Rather, it gives you a score in 4 categories: Quick Start, Fact Finder, Implementor, and Follow Thru. Scoring higher is not better, it just puts you at another strength. Spontaneity vs. Planning and things like that). At the time, I didn’t have a good answer. However, I was just thinking and here’s what I think. God would be every combination of scores in all 4 categories simultaneously. Both completely spontaneous and a thorough planner; both an imaginer and builder; both a researcher and, well you get the idea. I figured this because I think that God is not limited by human characteristics. He is fully capable of any action or behavior that does not cross his nature that is totally exclusive to sin. He can act in any method or mode at any time and any place (or every time and every place). Just a funny thought…

Love Always,
James

solitude to community to ministry

some beautiful reading that i’ve been doing.  here’s the link if you want to check it out….
[ http://www.fbccs.org/resources/papers/soli_comm_mini.asp ]
lindz

An Interesting Movie

SPOILER ALERT!!! If you have not seen the movie “The Kingdom” and want to see it, then don’t read!

Last night a few of my friends and I got together to watch a movie called “The Kingdom”. The film was about a terrorist attack by a Saudi Cell on an American civilian camp in the Kingdom of Saudi Arabia (Hence the name of the movie, The Kingdom). After this attack takes place, the scene shifts to the FBI terrorism response/investigation group in Washington DC, who lost 2 members of their team in the attack. At this point, the head of this FBI division whispers something to one of his agents who is crying for their lost comrade. We do not hear what it is, but it was made to seem significant.

From that point on, the movie built this passionate American-ism and anti-terrorism (Although a line was drawn between Islam and terrorism). This continues on until one of the final scenes, where the FBI team tracks down and kills the man responsible for the attacks. As he dies, he whispers something in his granddaughter’s ear. Once again, we are not told what he said, and this time the viewer is a little too caught up in the simultaneous fighting to really put value on it.

The last scene takes place following both the FBI team in Washington and the family of the head of the Saudi cell. The mother of the the head terrorist’s granddaughter asks her what her grandfather said to her as he died. “Don’t fear them my child, we’re going to kill them all”. The scene then cuts to the head FBI agent remembering what he said to his friend after the attack, “Don’t worry, we’ll kill them all”.

To me, that was a remarkable well-crafted and convicting ending. The whole movie built up the passionate, emotional patriotism similar to what I felt on 9/11. The sort of remarkable hatred and reckless anger that was enough to make me feel like I could kill one of them without even feeling any remorse. Then that closing scene comes along, and flips you on your head. In one sentence you realize that that feeling is exactly where they’re coming from, and you realize how easy it is to stoop to that level.

I don’t quite know what to make of it. My friends and I have had some pretty heated debates about when/if killing is justified and what Biblical criteria there are. I’d appreciate your thoughts on this guys.

I know it was a confusing summary so sorry bout that

Love Always,
James

How’s Your Break? / Frazee Portraits (Update)

Hello All,

Seems like it has been a while.  Just curious how everyone’s breaks have been going?  What’s God doing with you right now?  Any successes/defeats?  Details please!  Just wanted to check up on everybody, if you have any prayer requests please throw them out there as well.

I’ll post some stuff later; but you guys post too!

Miss you! Peace!

Frazee Potratis:

UPDATE: I’ve ordered frames from http://www.displays2go.com/product.asp?ID=6124 ; it was ~$189 all together.  If you can contribute 10 bucks great, if you can’t then don’t worry about it!  Should be here sometime next week.

prayers?

how i can specifically pray for each one of you individually over the holidays?

what blue/red battles will be going down?

how do you anticipate god to be moving and the kingdom to be coming over the break?

do you need extra prayer for something in particular?

prayer for you? prayer for family? prayer for others?

shoot back an email or another post. ps….how can we add the other ppl in our group that aren’t on this blog yet? james…do you know? i think about half of us havent used the blog yet. i want to include them in this chain communication over the holidays! maybe if the blog’s not working, we can send out a mass chain email. does anyone have everyone’s email? id love to get these questions answered by everyone. i really want to be intentional about seeking out our king in prayer daily for you guys and myself! let me know…

love you all,

lindz

my crazy adventure home!

hey freinds. so i had the craziest adventure home that i wanted to share with you all, check it out…… (it’s long cause i have plenty of time to write this. ill explain later.)

so i left casey’s house at 11 am yesterday morning. i heard there was bad weather on friday, but it was just going to get worse on saturday, so i wanted to head out asap in hopes to beat the bad stuff. so i left and began the longest drive of my life…. everything goes fine til 4 pm.

then i hit standstill traffic. so i sit, not moving from 4pm-10pm (6 HOURS!!!) it was all due to snow. no accidents. but a bad storm was starting to come through. the entire time i was sitting there, it was snowing the whole time! it was freezing, 32 degrees or below, so i constantly turned the car on and off to save gas, but keep me warm enough not to freeze. in this period of time i read the entire second half of luke while i was sitting there. people were getting out of their cars, walking and running up the highway. boring, but not bad.

once everyone starts moving, they send me into the deep snow and i get stuck. so these men have to help me pull my car out of the snow. that was embarrasing and funny!

at 10 pm we start movng (maximum of 10 or 15 mph) until 12. i think in that time, we got like 30 miles or smeothing like that. crazy how much traffic there was. they were condensing traffic down to one  lane.

at midnight, we hit another standstill. until 2:45 in the morning. did not move an inch. again, turned the car on and off constantly cause i only had 1/8 tank of gas! but it was FREEZING at this point. i put on all the different layers i had in my car. and put layers on my lap. i had to rock out to some rap music really really loud just to keep me awake. also pulled the chew some gum trick. i also read all of 1 kings while i was sitting there. and in this time, one of my windshield wipers decided to break so i had to put it inside the car. thanksfully it was the one on the passenger side.

then at 2:45 a bunch of firefighters come through clearing the roads and pulling people out of the snow. then by the time it gets to me and i can go, my battery is dead!! so i cant move. it was halarious! but the firefighters took care of me. i sat in their truck and hung out with them while they fixed up some other vehicles, then they jumped my car and i was moving again.

so we move for maybe 20 minutes. then more standstills. constant standstills. to the point that the snow is so high (at least a foot, if not 15 inches) that EVERYONE on the highway is stuck. semi’s are stuck, cars are stuck. it was crazy. at one point, i seriously was scared for my life. i was positioned about one foot away from the back wheels of a semi. and he kept reversing and going forward b/c he was stuck and i seriously felt like his tires were going to swing out and send me flying. it was terrifying. so finally, the firefighters then got me unstuck from the snow again.

i exit the highway at 5:30 in the morning. all the hotels are booked. and the highway is closed so i cant go any further. i was advised to go to salvation army to spend the night there. so i asked the ladies at the gas station where it was, tried to find it, and got lost (in the middle of the pouring down snow, dangerous roads, no idea where i am, if i get stuck no one else is around to rescue me (no firefighters there anymore), only being able to go 15 mph = terrifying!!).

so when im driving around, i see this girl, my age, by herself, totally stuck,. like in snow that is 3 feet deep, no idea how she ended up there! but b/c i spent the whole night being pushed out of the snow and watching others be pushed out, i thought i could help her. so i pulled over. and instructed her what to do, and i pushed the car BY MYSELF and and we got her unstuck! 🙂 i felt so empowered. we did it alone. no big guys there. but i had to fal lin the snow a couple times cause i was pushing so hard! it would have been halarious to watch. but it felt good after a long slow night.

then i decide to just walk into a hotel lobby and chill in the library (pretending that i have a room) til i figure out where to go next b/c it was scary outside and i was tired as crap (id been in the car for over 18 hours straight. no stopping but gas!). so i charge my phone, call my parents cause theyre freaking out and hadnt slept all night. then i just hang out in the lobby by the fire. and this is so halarious…… i basically became famous around the hotel as “the girl who just got here this morning” or “the girl who hasnt slept yet”. haha! all these people that i hadnt seen/talked to before were coming up to me asking me about my trip. and all these people offered me their rooms to go and take a nap. i think i got offered 4 rooms to crash in. and basically everyone eating breakfast came over and asked me about my trip and how i did it, etc. it was CRAZY!!

so here i am, still chillin in the lobby ….7 hours later. i have  a room for tonight. so i been crafting today and im sleeping here tonight. no idea how im going to get hjome, the roads are supposed to be horrible until sunday or monday. blah! so the adventure is not yet over, but for now, im just hanging out……. “at the holiday innnnnnnn” (jk. its the hampton inn. but you know you miss that song!).

maybe if i get bored and im here for another day, ill update you all. call me if you have time and are bored! 🙂 ill be chi-allin here by myself! so crazy. i cant belive this is really happening to me. this situation has just been halarious! so funny. i cant wait to crash soon (once i get my room. im waiting for them to give it to me, it’s still not cleaned yet. but ill be sleeping soon!!!!!!!!!!!!!! yes. cant wait.

love you guys.

hope you all are having fun hanging out inside by the fire and watching movies and drinking tea and eating popcorn with friends and family whereever you are (i hear the weathers bad pretty much everywhere!). enjoy! comment back, cause you know i want to hear from you and am  SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOo bored!

I can’t sleep

So I decided to do what I usually do when I can’t sleep, type out my life problems, hopes, and dreams for you guys to read.

Tonight, I was really indirectly confronted by one of my friends. We were talking about people changing who they are for other people and sort of trading who they are to be accepted or what might be cool. We talked about personalities and what makes people who they are etc. In that conversation, their words and thoughts really hit home with me. I realized that I don’t have a image or personality that is really mine. My roommate is Alex the constant and stabilizing person; Thomas is the avid conservative politician and mock trial member; Robert is Robert and if you don’t like him you can deal with it because that’s who he is. James is, James is, James is….. James?

Coming here, I thought I had a good sense of who I was and what I stood for, but in hindsight I really didn’t have a clue.  Over the summer, I tried to seem the mature kid heading off on his own, during O-Week at Furman I tried to be the smart one (failed), then later the classy one (failed), then the soccer player (failed), etc. Since then, I have tried to be so many different people and take on different personalities for different times and situations that I don’t even know what makes James James anymore. In fact, I don’t think I ever knew. Going all the way back to high school, there was this norm that I, and the rest of the school, was expected to conform to. As the headmaster’s son, I had the unofficial job of more or less being the poster child and eventually the finished product of the school. I was expected to be a near-perfect student, do my work, and be a model of obedience and attitude for the school. Although the expectations put on me weren’t overly burdensome or anything, as I did well in school and what not, there was this image that I was placed under and this certain persona that I was expected to adopt. At the time, because the school was so small and the group I hung out with was so uniform and limited, I never really knew anything else. I was perceived a certain way, and I tried to live up those perceptions. I never explored, adventured, took risks. I sat on my own little island, unaware that there was a continent a mile offshore. But I was somehow content and thought I had it all figured out.

Then, there was Furman. The insanity and wonder that bringing 2700 different people with different personalities and different worldviews creates. I didn’t realize it at first, but from the first moment my old false identity was shot down. I tried to artificially manipulate my image to match people and please people, and failed entirely. I hung out with people and did things that were really stupid for the sake of trying to develop an identity I could fall back on. And I regret it all. Now, I have no idea what is me. But I have learned some of the things I’m not, which seems like a good place to start looking for who you are. I’m not a party-er, I’m not a politician, I’m not a classy high-society type, I’m not a star athlete, I’m not a genius, I’m not a Biblical scholar (though this one I haven’t given up on yet), I’m not a clever and witty comedian, I’m not a computer/tech wizard, I’m not someone who has a good opinion on anything that comes up in a conversation, I’m not the perceptive psychoanalyst who can read people at a glance. I apologize because I have tried to portray myself as all those things, and not one of them has been me.

So with that, all I have left is to ask God what I am supposed to do and where I am supposed to go. Because I haven’t a clue anymore. This has already been a painful and tearful realization, and it’s not like it’s going to be all better in a moment either.

It seems so strange to be what I guess you could call ‘soul searching’ when so recently I was so sure of everything, and I mean everything. Now everything is going to have to be re-discovered and re-figured, re-learned and re-thought. They say college is for ‘reinventing yourself’, but you can’t reinvent something you never really had. No, I now get to find it out for the first time. I hope this made some sense to you guys. See you tomorrow though!

Love Always,
James